03 Wednesday Aug 2016
I feel sad and anxious today, though the reason isn’t important. The important thing to note is that there is no desire to get out of this sadness and fear. On the contrary, I feel like remaining in this sadness, fueling it, justifying it. The ego wants to hear the whining of violins and declare this world a meaningless worthless place.
What’s wrong with suffering a little bit? Observe your suffering, be with it without judgement – is it such a big deal? (I hear the child like laughter of Eckhart Tolle in the background).
Part of me sees the idiot in all of this, and the other part is angry with Tolle for laughing. Angry with Tolle for “accidentally” falling into enlightenment. “Easy for him to tell me to suffer consciously…pfft!”
I hear him mimicking ego’s in his own funny way: “Ohh why can’t I become conscious? Everybody else seems to be able to do it but not me!” (Again, the child-like laughter) followed by, “but that’s just another thought telling you that you can’t.”
I read a quote the other day, one of Lao Tzu‘s from the Tao Te Ching which says, “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” The part which stuck with me this week was “Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” This drive to hold on to my sadness is no mastery of the self, but an indulgence, a weakness, a pettiness.
I can think of another good quote though I can’t remember the source so I paraphrase: “Man is willing to sacrifice all but his misery”.
Good one. I have first hand experience in this area – it’s been 30 something years and counting. But let’s get back to the present moment.
If you were in the present moment you wouldn’t be misusing your intellectual center to think emotionally. You wouldn’t be trying to find ways to indulge in your misery in order to extend it. On the contrary, if you were in the present moment you would most likely have a delicate and lasting smile on your face, if not laughing like a child laughs when filled with the energy of a new experience.
You’re right. Okay then let’s get back to my thoughts on sadness and fear (now I have to add anger damn it!) because I am sad and I am not prepared to give my sadness up so easily. I don’t care what you say, I don’t care if you call me a coward, I can be sad if I want.
(Photo Credit: martinak15 – Flicker.com)
I won’t say that you’re a coward. I’ll simply point out that you aren’t acting courageously – Consciously. The truth is that you aren’t simply sad which can become a beautiful state of being if it causes you to turn your attention inward – what YOU ARE is MISERY.
Hahahaha touché, I am miserable! Oh the thoughts that are flooding my mind at the moment! The words of Masters and philosophers past and present! I paraphrase as I follow the stream of consciousness: “Let come what comes, let go what goes. See what remains.” (R. Maharshi); ““Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.” (Chuang-tzu); “The kingdom of God will not come with observable signs. Nor will people say, ‘Look, here it is,’ or ‘There it is.’ For you see, the kingdom of God is in your midst.” (Luke 17:20-21); “You will receive everything you need when you stop asking for what you do not need” (N. Maharaj); “The only thing there is to fear is fear itself” (FDR); “Time is the movement of thought” (D. Chopra). “Don’t let the fear rise up in your mind. Use the power of Now. Fear cannot prevail against it.” (E. Tolle). I can go on and on and on, but it isn’t doing me any good.
I didn’t say ‘you are miserable’, I said “You ARE misery” – you are what you think. So, what is going to do you ‘good’?
An escape. That will do me good. I will escape this sad/bad/miserable feeling.
Escape now, and pay…when?
Pay yes, but not now. Later. I will pay the price LATER. Now I’m going to just slip away.
Are you even sure that you feel ‘bad’?
I’m sure that I don’t. In fact, someone is sure that I’m justifying the escape by creating the illusion of sadness. I’m the escapist after all. The soft belly of the Intending Self (I wish you would stop blabbering) is kissing the bottom of my foot.
You know that when later comes it will…
…again be NOW …yes yes yes…you are BORING ME. I’m going for a ride now sucker! See you on the flip side!
Yes, I’ve no doubt that’s where I’ll see you – on the flip side of ‘good’. Now I’m the one who feels sad. Once you complete this vicious cycle for the millionth time I’ll meet you on the flip side of ‘good’ and we will once again begin at square one….hello? Are you here? Did you hear me? This is a warning, a message…a plea!
(It’s too late! A pathetically weak Voice you are indeed! She’s gone…)
I know. Sadly, it’s as simple as the Cherokee parable of ‘Two Wolves.’
(Luckily for ‘me’, I have known this parable all ‘my life’, whereas you have only come to know it recently – Hahaha!)