DENY THY SELF: Introduction

“Embrace nothing: If you meet the Buddha,
kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill
your father. Only live your life as it is,
Not bound to anything.”

Gautama Buddha

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth;
I did not come to bring peace but a sword.
For I came to set a man against his father;
and a daughter against her mother;
law against her mother in law;
and a man’s enemies will be
the members of his household.”

Jesus Christ (Matthew 10:34-10:35)-


Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

“What does it mean to “Deny Thy Self”? I believe that to deny one’s self is to strip down to NOTHING, that which is the Source of all things. There are only two facts in this world that I’m aware of with certainty:

1. I exist

2. Every thing that exists, whether it exists in this universe or some other universe or dimension, exists in the present moment – the NOW.

What significance does the latter fact hold? Simply put, the Source of all things (which must be an ‘un-thing’) can’t be separated from the things to which the Source has given birth.

In the field of quantum mechanics there is a lot of talk about “nothing” and what it might mean, but this is an age old question which remains a profound subject of intrigue, speculation, and debate among physicists. In fact, on March 20th, 2013 physicists and thinkers gathered to discuss the meaning of ‘nothing’ at Isaac Asimov’s Memorial Debate held annually at the American Museum of Natural History. The essential question comes down to this: “Can everything (all creation) possibly come from nothing? How can “nothing” exist and still be “nothing”? What is NOTHING!?”

Philosophy, science, and metaphysics have all explored the possibility that pure AWARENESS or consciousness –  a non-thing which seems to transcend time and space – holds the answer to the question of “what is nothing?”.

If the mind is a “thing”, a microcosm of the universe, stripping the mind’s conditioning down to nothing would mean the undoing of all thought. But removing the conceptualization of reality from a human being’s mind doesn’t make the human being disappear. What remains is something (the body and mind), that is endowed with the spark of life in the form of consciousness or awareness. Is awareness a “thing”? Does consciousness take any effort or energy? In accordance with Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, awareness has no mass and therefore is not energy either.

So, if the mind is indeed a microcosm of the universe, a ‘thing’ which came from ‘nothing, and nothing is not separate from ‘things’ because all that IS only exists in the present moment, then within each of us lies the Source of all things. We are both the creator and the created; the nothing and the everything.

The question that follows naturally is: “How can I become aware of awareness which is “…The Light of  the world” – the Source of all things?” I must strip the mind down to nothing by recognizing the space that exists between two thoughts. This gap is timeless, boundless, energy-less. The gap between two thoughts is Nothing, a glimpse of the Source of all Creation which is the “Kingdom of Heaven” accessible only from within:

“The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, ‘Look, here it is!’ or, ‘There it is!’ For behold, the kingdom of God is in your midst.”  (Luke 17:21)


With my attention intact, I begin the “practice” of denying the self:


<prelude>Undo complaints, undo beliefs, undo mechanical acts, reactions, thoughts, behaviors, judgments…UNDO THE SELF…ALL of the SELF…leave no remnant…no stone unturned.</prelude>

I’ve been trying to clear my ‘inbox’ full of messages. I’ve made a small dent, but I do feel a little better (even though the messages never stop). I have yet to clear every last thing (until the next thing after ‘last’) which is my goal…rather, it’s my goal to clear my inbox without thinking of clearing as a goal – How exactly is that done?

<subtle request>YOU’RE THINKING. STOP.</subtle request>

Can anyone who answers make you Realize “how”?

I’ve been struggling to understand (what can’t be understood intellectually) how one can “go all the way…follow denial of the self to its very end.” (J. Krishnamurti). I find that the mind returns to “me”. Like a boomerang, thoughts can’t be thrown away for more than a millisecond before they return to “Rula” or “I am that” or “I want this” or “I believe” or “I feel” – a return, essentially, to indulging in the movement of thought (identifying with the past, which exists in the Now only in the form of a memory).

<extra effort>DON’T THINK!</extra effort>

 Throwing takes effort. Realizing the thought isn’t “ME” takes the shedding of effort.

Yes, it takes effort – ENERGY – to try to solve a problem that you can’t understand. For example, my son didn’t understand why 0+1 = 1. He tried to understand it using his own logic, asking me questions – this took effort. Then I explained it this way: Adding “no thing” to “one thing” leaves only that “one thing”. Suddenly, his eyes lit up! He realized what it meant, but the realization itself wasn’t an act, it didn’t take effort as such, it simply ‘dawned’ on him.

Oddly enough, although the realization took no energy, this zero effort or zero energy created a great surge of energy in the form of excitement in my son. Nothing created this energy. Nothing created something! The essential question now becomes: How will this energy be used? Will it be wasted in excitement and running around not knowing what else to do with, or will it be used to further refine the energy at hand, leaving the mind with a more refined tool for observation and thus, creativity/creation of more energy?


But realize that a subtle thought which can ‘shock’ the mind into realizing some ‘thing’ isnt the realization itself.

Yes I can SEE this. Another interesting aspect is that no true realization can be “unrealized”. Neither my son nor I can ‘forget’ why 0 + 1 = 1 because we have understood its meaning in totality, missing nothing.  More importantly, no one else could have understood the meaning on our behalf. We each had to realize on our own. Still, here I am analyzing the meaning of “realization” instead of actually realizing. Is it my choice?

At the moment I’m watching a talk of J.K’s on You Tube. I just feel like listening to him without any judgment:

“…To doubt with light hand, with a quick hand, with subtlety, then that doubt brings about clarity, energy…and we need energy to go into all these problems, to resolve them.”

Ohh slight hand…what are you? Here are JK’s beautiful words, and why not also the words of Tolle and Buddha and Lao Tzu and Maharshi and my own. The words aren’t the realization, so realization is something like ZERO. Clarity is the absence of misunderstanding which means the absence of ‘what I think I understand’.


But is it your choice to stop misunderstanding?

How do you ‘doubt’ without thought? There must be some instrument that can ‘doubt with light hand’ without using thought. So can I choose not to think? Can the voices in my head stop complaining, judging, believing, wishing, desiring, hoping, and ultimately – escaping the Now? Can I deny my self? Can I deny “Rula” her past with all its precious baggage?

<effort to realize>DENY THY SELF – ALL THE WAY – UNDO YOU</effort to realize>


Thought itself can’t get the mind to stop thinking – the problem can’t also be the solution. There has to be Presence. Attention. Internal Stillness. Nothing.



The Present – Now is beyond the boundary of thought which exists in time.

<letting go>LET THOUGHTS COME; LET THOUGHTS GO</letting go>

Sense (effortlessly) what it means that there is only ONE MOMENT. REALIZE what this MEANS – if only for a moment…

<final suggestion>SENSE YOUR WORLD, DON’T THINK IT<final suggestion>



Infinity Symbol -







<prelude> Undo complaints, undo beliefs, undo mechanical acts, reactions, thoughts, behaviors, judgments…UNDO THE SELF…ALL of the SELF…leave no remnant…no stone unturned.</prelude>

I’ve been trying to clear…..