Zeus and Me

Zeus is dead. He died in my arms; his head in my lap, my hand resting on his belly carefully feeling and watching it rise and fall. What a strange dream his aliveness and death seemed in the exact moment his chest stopped moving – like movement through a world between worlds.

Aerosmith’s lyrics ran through my mind:  “Where it comes and where it goes?”

The spark that animates the breath and heart, the flesh and bone, the body and mind – yes where from and where to? It’s the ultimate unknown, as far as I know.

The kind Doctor left us for a while when suddenly a thought appeared – “I killed you. Sweet little boy, wise old man, I have killed you, I chose for you. I’m so sorry Love…I’m so very very sorry.”

The “sorry” one kept repeating her sorry’s though he was gone. It’s as if she was hoping he would somehow hear her, somehow know.

Zeus & Floyd

“YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW!” – (Anger was now running the show).

“You’re supposed to know that ‘nothing is ever lost’!”

“You’re supposed to know that life and death go hand in hand!”

 “You’re supposed to know that here is just a speck of breath in an eternity of life!”

“But you don’t really KNOW these things! You don’t know anything and because of your ignorance you’re afraid! You hold on to him like you hold on to all that is known because you’re afraid of what you believe is the ‘unknown’ – the direction you’re heading in every moment. ”

 

Haley Puppy

Don’t listen to them. Can you see how they’ve made your Master’s death all about themselves? Where is Zeus in all of this? Where is Haley? Where is Floyd?

It’s true that whatever I do I do for me, but whatever you did you did for Life. You were simple, innocent – ALIVE. Your tails always gave this away, as did the light behind your eyes. You could have taught me so much had I paid attention. You could have stripped away this selfish center had I observed you, listened to you, watched you…

Masters you all were:

You lived in the Now. You held no grudges, kept no judgments. You came to the door to greet me whether you had seen me one minute ago or 8 hours ago; whether yesterday I had praised you or shouted at you; whether your joints ached or your lungs bled…you came to greet me.

My Loves

Those who have nothing to lose are FREE to LOVE and my Masters you LOVED FREELY and therefore you LIVED and in that LIVING you showed the WAY – you were good and pure and beautiful because that is all that Love IS. There is no opposite – only man ‘knows’ enough to hate.

Life is in the Living but I can still learn from you. I have the opportunity NOW while my chest still rises and falls, while my breath remains warm.

For the sake of Life I will remember that when I was holding my Boy I was holding myself, and when I was sorry for him I was sorry for myself.

Zeus, Haley, Floyd – (Darling Love’s) – You will never hear the cry of self pity ever again. “Sorry” is the talk of the dead. LOVE is the walk of the Living. I’m choosing to walk…

 

With Eternal Love and Gratitude,

Me   XXXX


Share: