It’s almost Halloween and so befitting, as Halloween it always is for me. I’m a sleep- walker, a zombie, though this dark truth has only just dawned on me.

I crawled out of my grave slowly, so slowly. It took me years, in fact, to get a single glimpse of the sky before slipping back down. But sometimes crawling out is akin to digging deeper. Yes, I have been digging my grave all my life while claiming ascension to soaring heights. I, like the rest of my sleepwalking companions, have been strolling along the path of death for years totally unaware of the horror of my situation.  Interestingly, this death path is awfully well lit. So well lit is it that I have mistaken darkness for Light, walking along with the zombie masses without question, claiming ‘success’ while digging the grave deeper. As we walk we consume everything in sight, justifying our insatiable appetites as natural, our entitlement, an ambitious pursuit of energy through bloody cannibalism. Watch closely next time you see us coming, are we the parade of Life or the harbingers of decay? Are we the reflection of your beliefs or the monsters of reality – is there a difference?  

Society is altogether clear when it comes to the common belief system as all the ‘monsters’ who exist beyond its boundaries are condemned to understand, while the ‘good citizens’ within are shaking fiercely in their shoes afraid to cross, dying to belong. So how do the ones within the circle ascend if not by defining the rules of ascension, the rules of ‘success’ bound by the border of what is known as common? What of those monsters outside the circle screeching and crying, trying to claw their way back ‘in’? Neither is a pretty sight. Seeing someone limit his life to a graveyard by digging deep his own grave confined within its bowels never is. But have I seen such a person? Have I known such a horror? Have I acknowledged my own nightmare as a nightmare? Have I ever truly seen my zombie or have I sleep-walked all along while pronouncing myself as awake?

My grave is no longer shallow though once it was.  Its depths now shelter all kinds of ghosts accumulated over time, a historic dwelling of monstrous proportions.  After all, the undead are memories and ghosts are dreams. But how do you recognize a dream if you are in it? How do you recognize the nightmare if you are living it? Can you differentiate yourself from the monster, from the sleepwalker, from the ghost of your past who occupies the same nightmarish realm? Can I claim to ascend, to transcend, or to succeed from within the bowels of that dark dank hole I have dug myself into? Can I?

Yesterday I went to drop my son off at school. I was a whirlwind, bubbly and talkative. I swept into the room boisterously greeting the teacher and the other children as I simultaneously took off my son’s jacket, put his toys in his cubby, and sat him down at the table. Just then one of the other children waved at me and said, “bye”! I stopped and looked at him, and then looked at the table full of children. They all began to wave their hands at me saying “bye!”  I stood there in shock for a moment which seemed to stretch out into an entire minute.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had been in that room so many times before, had seen those children so many times before. Yet now as I chattered at everyone including the children at the table, I suddenly realized I had not seen a single one of them before! I felt a sudden jolt of awareness strike me like a bolt of lightning penetrating every pore of my being, WAKING ME UP! Yes, my entire being was engulfed in the Light of this Realization. It was as if those beautiful faces had jerked me out of a dreamlike state, as if they had shaken me out of sleep into wakefulness. I was now seeing each face for the very first time. I saw each beautiful shining face in turn, each innocent smile a living testament of Truth.

I had missed the only Life in the room, the only meaning without meaning! I was sleepwalking through Life missing everything and everyone, missing Life itself! Oh how blind I have been cycling into trancelike whirlpools of bloody thought, sucked down so quickly I hardly noticed myself drowning! Yes, Life is like a magnetic energy field and one who isn’t immersed in the Present, who isn’t at one with the unifying field can miss Living all together! The shock of this realization brought me to my knees as I clearly saw the zombie within, as I clearly saw myself crawling out from the bowels of my grave to glimpse for a brief moment the infinite spaciousness of the sky which is the infinite potential of mankind!! “All is well!” I proclaimed from within. “All is WELL!!”

Just then I realized that I was late for work and thought, “I must hurry.” Just then I kissed my boy good-day and rushed out of the room recalling the pile of work on my desk, sighing as I projected my boredom. Just then, I slipped back down into my grave, and reuniting with the mass of sleepwalkers within resumed our walk along the path of death, digging once again our grave made shallow by a fleeting glimpse of Life in the Light of Presence. When will I begin the process of undigging, making shallow my grave once again and crawling out?

When shall I WAKE UP if not NOW?

It’s Always Halloween (or Zombies Everywhere)

by Rula Mazigi

Zombies, Goblins

Witch’s Stew

Spiders crawling

Maggots too

Stir the pot and

Drink the Brew

So every Ghost

May have his “Boo”

Zombies, Goblins

Witch’s Stew

Hanging webs that

Catch what flew

Rotting carcass

Feeds the crew

Death is Life

The price is YOU


Posted on 10/27/2010

Copyright © 2011 Rula Shin