I’m feeling anxious. Yet another morning is here and I just walked out of an anxious dream which has brought me into this ‘reality’ interpreting it anxiously. I’ve managed to pull the anxiety from one dream world into the next dream world – I must be some kind of magician riding the Night Mare into the Day!

The Dream:

An authority figure, a professor, a man – a Predator- put his arm around me and lured me into his puzzle-like home with his sickly sweet honeyed words which appealed to my vanity. Yet I knew, yes I KNEW from the moment that he placed his arm around my shoulder and walked me into his colorful trap that he was a predator, but I went with him anyway, knowing!

When we arrived at his ‘dwelling’ it had a strange puzzle-like entrance, elevators and switches and old doors that only he knew how to open and close.

“Ah! Here we are!” he said gesturing me in with his hand, a hyena’s smile on his face, teeth sharpened to points.

As I stepped inside I saw that there were many others who had been lured there by him to satisfy his own lust for power and pleasure under the guise of ‘teacher’. Yes, we were rats in a trap. I looked at their faces, their open books, their study guides. The corners of their mouths were lifted into small soft smiles, but their eyes were blank, empty, and their arms and legs, even their faces were bruised and battered.

“What am I doing?” I asked myself shaking from the inside out. “I knew he was a predator but I came anyway, why? Was his appeal to my vanity so convincing? Was his feeding of my ego so powerful that I ignored my own Intending self? Actually, by indulging in the poisonous thought food of this man I had even managed to ignore my own biological instincts. Yes, our body knows what it needs and what it doesn’t, our body senses danger when it’s present…but only if we are LISTENING and ACTING in accordance with what our body is saying to us, and not what we selectively hear.

Realizing this, my natural instinct suddenly came bursting forth like a fiery eruption of fight or flight – a Voice exploded in a one word scream – “RUN!”

I ran! When he wasn’t looking I got back into that puzzle-like elevator trying to close the right door to go down, trying to open the right door to get out, but every time I opened a door and stepped out I was right back into his domain on some other level above or below, but still within the dark lair, trapped.

There I stood wondering what to do next when suddenly he appeared beside me, his shoulder touching mine, his mouth elongated in a dreadful smile.
“What are you doing? He asked as his face came close to mine, walking along the perimeter of my personal boundary.

“I called my friends!” I suddenly replied with some force, trying to mask the quiver in my voice. “They said I must leave. They know where I am!”

“Oh?” he said calmly. “Is that so?”

This man was like any other mediocre, a master in the art of rhetoric, a conniving manipulator of the masses. Yes, the group gives him his power to use and abuse (without them he is nobody, nothing), and from this power he extracts his meaning in life.

The predator replied, “How do you know that your friends don’t have some self serving motive asking you to leave this place of education? How do you know they are not jealous? How do you know they aren’t tricking you out of envy? Come now, you are an intelligent woman, more intelligent than they.”

But his sharp teeth were showing behind that hellish grin. They had been showing from the start though I chose to ignore my inner Voice, my body’s sensing, riding instead the thoughts which carried me away, which energized the Legion of selves within, my fragmented ego – pride, vanity, gluttony…the list of our egoic escapes is endless. We should be weary of anyone who praises us without knowing us.

Yes, I ride the Mare of the Night and this Mare is the very same Mare of the Day. I ride her day and night and she carries me away into a world not of my choice but of my compulsions, of my escapes, of my unconscious reactions to my dead past, my graveyard of selves energized by this cyclical ride – Night or day my existence riding on this Mare is a dream world of nightmarish quality. Yes, the Mare of the night is the Mare of the day and I ride her unconsciously around the clock.

“No” – I replied from within. I didn’t utter a word out loud but the mediocre, that Monster, sensed the intensity of my Intention.

In this moment I woke up out this dream and into another, lying in my bed feeling anxious, feeling ‘bad’.

The Awakening

As I lay in my bed having managed to make the Night Mare jump the fence into the world of Day, I continued to ride her anxiously, but began to wonder what the difference was between the dream I just woke up from and the so called ‘reality’ I now seemed to occupy? How can I be anxious in the reality if I have woken up from my anxiety? Is it possible that I have not woken up at all? Is it possible I am anxious because I am still dreaming, still riding the Mare of Unconsciousness?

“What was the message of the dream?” I asked myself. “You let yourself be dragged into the nightmare, and you allowed the nightmare to drag into your day. Your friends couldn’t help you, they couldn’t come and get you out, they couldn’t awaken from the dream on your behalf. What is the message Rula?”

A Voice from within replied, “I’m a Legion of fools, and there is no one but ME who can undo this Legion of fools. Slay the sharp-toothed mediocraties who reside within you once and for all!”

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere and in no-time appeared a Colt of such beauty, such grace, and such light that my entire being was filled. All of the emptiness and fear was replaced with the Light of the Sacred Colt of NOW. Yes, suddenly I became Conscious of NOW. In no-time I dismount the Mare of Night and Day, rise out of my bed and FACE the fear, the ‘bad’ feeling, and every desire to escape this very moment with all of its negative associations and emotions. Yes, I rise from the dead, mount the Sacred Colt of Now, and simply ride the only moment that ever exists. I ride NOW, from moment to moment, fearlessly.

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