The purpose of any escape is to escape from the present into the past, or into a dream world, which obviously is nothing other than the projection of the past – finding ‘what is’ irreconcilable, finding ‘time’ rising up like an insurmountable mountain. ‘Get lost’ is the invincible boomeranging voice inside our skulls driving us to escape, whatever easily accessible route one takes.

There was a time I used to escape on a regular basis finding it hard to fit into the ‘reality’ I lived. When the ‘what is’ of the moment did not match the anticipated ‘what is’ of the ‘what should be’, I found it hard to accept, and knowing I am helpless I simply wanted to escape. The escapes eased my pain in the sense that I wasn’t here to feel the pain. I had gotten lost. Escapes did make my life easier. People do, moving from one escape route to another, from a movie to a magic show to a drinking spree to psychedelic drugs, accept escape as a way of life.

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(Photo Credit: “Escape” – Marco (Flickr CC)

Subsequently, instead of easing out my pain, my escapes started causing me pain as I realized escape was not my choice any more. I decided to shut all the escape routes. This was painful. But I decided to suffer one time pain rather than suffering before and after every escape; one, because of my wanting to escape on account of my failure to accept ‘what is’ and the other because I escaped rather than confronting the desire to escape.‘Escapes’, as such, don’t confine to the space and time of escape. Escapes leave behind their effects that can last forever because they initiate chains of cause and effect which branch out into many directions subject to the law of cause and effect. And as the law dictates, ‘what you do now will affect you eventually and every effect will turn into yet another cause to cause effect’ and so on and on. There is no escape from escape unless, off course, one knows how to break the chain.

I have come across people who escape and suffer because of the escape, not unlike me. One of my friend returns the very next instant of her escape, wounded and in great pain, psychosomatically (obviously caused by the escape) and spiritually (caused by her own belief that the escape was the ugliest route she should have taken).‘I have never seen you ‘escape’ with escapes. Rather the escape dumps you back on the hard rock of reality no sooner you escape. I see you return suffering more and I wonder why did you go in the first place?’‘One does not take a plane to hell if one wants to arrive at the paradise. One can speak beautiful words on board, depicting the divinity of the paradise, yet the plane is bound to unload in hell.

‘Yes, I realize that is the main point.’- She only said, probably not expecting my line of questioning.

‘The purpose of all escapes is to escape. Unfortunately, I find that you are not even capable of this. All escapes dump you back with your body and soul bleeding. Probably ‘escape’ was ‘good’ once upon a time till you realized its ‘bad’ and turned ‘good’ into a painful reality. You let the sense of ‘bad’ impose on your so called ‘good’ which made you opt for the escape.  Now you are caught in the middle of a conflict, the game, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are playing inside you’ – I said, making it imperative for her to speak, taking cue from the words and reason I had presented before her either to accept or deny.

‘But that’s not really what’s important. Its meaningless actually, if one goes back’- she said. I waited, hoping she will talk her mind out but she spoke no more. This time I decided to provoke her by producing a painful image.

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‘Your escape feels like a self- crucifixion, actually. And as I have been observing the cyclical pattern of your escape you seem to be discontent with all the nails you have hammered into you head because the moment your pain starts subsiding you hammer many more nails. You keep on doing this until you are in unbearable pain and you return from these escape routes completely shattered and in great suffering.’

‘It’s not justifiable or remotely reasonable’- She decided to accept yet still seemed to avoid giving direct answers.

‘I don’t think these words, ‘reasonable’ or justification’, can be remotely used here. I talk because I sense your pain. I don’t want you to suffer. The day you will accept the ‘escape’ as escape, and escape, there will be no pain. The only other way is to accept the escape as escape and not escape. You are in between and so you shall suffer. Accept suffering or else turn the suffering into a real escape. There is no other middle way.  This middle position looks more painful to me. Better turn the ‘bad’ into ‘good’ and enjoy your escape or else treat escape as escape and do not escape. Prepare yourself for a one time pain. These are the only choices before you. I wonder, why this suffering? If you have chosen to escape then why suffer since it’s your choice? And if you have not chosen then why go back knowingly and return with the excruciating pain?’

‘I’m also not …I mean…..I don’t know how to answer the why because there’s no why that one can answer with except ‘habit’ I guess. ‘Actually’- she further added- ‘It’s not ME who is escaping. ME knows there is no place to escape. Besides, there is no ME in escaping. It’s just my yesterday repeating itself, living through me.’

‘Actually it’s our history we let live us. It’s insane I believe,’- she said, adding, – ‘And I simply don’t have to be insane, anymore.’

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