060227 Pachmari - India Feb-Mar 2006 (42)

I’m sitting here in the parking lot of a grocery store. The sun is almost gone and the sky would look mournful were it not for the low clouds reflecting its warm hues. There are many Christmas parties happening this night, celebrating something that most don’t understand and don’t Know. Laughing, drinking, eating, and smoking on the outside, and inside the sun is setting.

The beauty isn’t out there in the sky, above the world, in the pinkish orange light and dark blue wisps of cloud stretched across the horizon. The beauty is in here. It’s in stopping to look. Stopping to ‘contemplate the flowers’ as I believe Jesus would have said. But we’re out there. We’re reaching for the closest prize, the quickest fix, the most instant gratification – the fastest way out of here. I can see them now, smiling without joy, laughing without love, eating and drinking without thought or sense. Drowning in our ignorance. Drowning in faith. Drowning in things.

I will walk out of the car when it’s dark. When the light of the world is cloaked beneath the veil over my eyes. I will walk out when I can no longer see the beauty I project before me, and the sentimentality and desperation and sadness turn to disillusioned, false apathy – masks trying to hide the fear.

When emotion turns from in to out and high to low and meets everyone and everything with anger and hatred – with fear disguised as the power of anger and hatred, the power of a position one takes out in the open to hide the deep seeded insecurity, pain and self pity on the inside – I will walk out cursing the man-made God.

It’s dark now. The people are still walking in and out of the stores, to and from their cars. Women, children, men, all hiding something. All afraid without knowing they are afraid.

We are pitiable my friends (or is it just me?). Where will all the beaten paths lead us from here?

Darkness Gives in to Light: Getting Unlost

Sinead Fenton - and so we settle

Whether you wake up suddenly from a dream, or ease out of one, a realization always follows: “I was dreaming.”

I just woke from a dream and realized reality. At a cocktail party, a Christmas party, I had been drinking some wine, smoking cigarettes, and eating. I indulged in talks and the thoughts that accompany them.

When you’re in a dream you worry about what the people in the dream think of you, or may or may not say to you. When you’re in a dream you’re not afraid of the situations and thoughts that exist beyond the dream reality, you only worry or delight in those things that exist within the boundaries of the dream.

Your bed, your room, your life situation – none of them exist. But if you happen upon your bed in the dream then the ‘dream bed’ exists. So do the rooms and people and situations in your dream.

But the moment you wake up, you REALIZE, you SEE that you had just been in a false reality, giving credence to thoughts and perceiving situations that aren’t actually happening, though a moment ago they WERE REAL because you BELIVED them to be real.

I was talking, and drinking, and eating, and thinking this was a nice party, and it’s nice to meet new people, and this person doesn’t like me, or this person ‘likes’ me too much, and I should keep from overeating, and how do I look and what will I do tomorrow…and then, suddenly…

The warmth of REALITY:  The beauty of Being – Home – as I Am, Here and Now – FEARLESS.

How magnificent it is to be free from DREAMS.

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